Britt and I have made an appointment to meet with the trainer at our gym tomorrow. We have been members of the gym for a long (LONG) time and have only been a handful of times. When we meet with him tomorrow, he will weigh us, check our body fat, and put us on the program. We have to write down everything we eat for three days - then they will tell us what we are doing wrong and what we need to do right. If I remember correctly, they don't really put you on a diet, they cut out everything carbonated, increase protein, and tell you no sugar, nothing fried. Anyway.. I am anxious to get started. Britt and I doing it together will really be a good thing, I think. He will help me to stay on track. I am thinking it might be best if we schedule our time to go to the gym - and not waiver from it, rather than just go spur of the moment or "try to make time".. That never works for us. After tomorrow, I think we will do that - say okay, we go to the gym on this day this day and this day at this specific time - and schedule other things around that as much as possible. I have already lined John out to come and sit with Elijah while Britt and I go tomorrow. Maybe we could set him and Elijah up on a weekly date or something - Elijah would love that and it would be one for sure night that Britt and I have scheduled. hmmmm...
Trainer
Concert
We went to see the Newsboys tonight. Our neighbor across the street works for the Christian radio station that we listen to (K-Love) and he gave us tickets.. It was FANTASTIC! I missed the opening bands because I didn't get off work until 8, but made it there just in time to see Newsboys. I almost didn't go because I was tired - I really am glad that i did. I have never been one for the whole altar call or "being saved" religious experience.. but I do have to say that events like tonight make me miss being more in tune with my Faith. I go through periods like that though - where I feel really strong and then I start to slack. I am happier when I live my life in a more Faith driven manner - if that makes sense. As we were leaving the concert, Elijah said "now THAT was a concert!!".. He really enjoyed it too.
I think I would sleep really well if it weren't for the ringing in my ears!! Glad the boys wore ear plugs!
Tomorrow
I go back to work tomorrow. Earlier this evening Britt asked me if I felt like I had a big enough break. No. I don't feel like I did. Does anyone ever though? Weekends are never long enough. Right now I don't feel like there is a weekend. When I am at work, Britt is home and when I am home, Britt is at work. I don't think he and i have spent any real time together in forever. I guess I am ready to go back to work though. I like my job. I still have tons of stuff to do around the house and I hate (I mean HATE) having to send Elijah away every week so I can work - even if it is just one night. I know he will be home on Friday, but still.. I miss him when he isn't here. I know the inlaws enjoy time with him too though. Selfish me, huh?
I filled out a federal student financial aid thing on line the other day. Pretty much the only thing I qualify for are student loans. I hate to incur more debt, but I really want to go back to school and since I will have to pay for it myself anyway - a student loan may be the way to go for me. It's just two years of school - Britt did a year and a half while we were in Fayetteville and it went by pretty quickly. This should too. I think it will be a challenge though.. to work full time and go to school full time.
Anyway.. must finish packing for Eli.
Me? School?
My friend Summer brought up an interesting subject in her message regarding my last posting. Have I ever thought about going to nursing school? The answer to that question is a very loud, booming, vibrant, YES. I have thought about it quite a bit. Back when I was quite a bit younger, I applied for and was accepted to Baptist School of Nursing. I chickened out. My grandmother had me convinced that I wasn't cut out for nursing and that I wouldn't stick with it, I was scared that I couldn't pass the science classes, and my (at that time) husband wasn't too excited about me going to school in Little Rock. So.. I was talked out of by all three of us. I opted to stay close to home and take classes I was fairly comfortable with at UCA. I never finished.
I went back to college for the first time last year. I took two classes because I was scared to death to do anything more than that. I just didn't know if I had what it took to go to school anymore. After a bit, I learned that I loved being in school. I really enjoyed learning and being back in that environment. I took Comp II (a writing class) and Psychology. I made A's in both classes and was ready to take two more classes the following semester. My plan was this.. take two classes at a time until you have all the prerequisites taken care of.. Then apply to nursing school.. Then Elijah relapsed.
I went to work in the NICU for a little bit just before his transplant. While I was working there, I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to go to nursing school anymore. I was very uncomfortable with the fragility of the babies in there. It made me think "do I think I could emotionally handle having someone elses life in my hands like that?" My answer was that I didn't think I could.
Well, we went in for Elijah's transplant and I became, once again, more comfortable with what was going on. My desire to go to nursing school once again rearing its head. My husband is now thinking, more than ever, that I am so wishy washy and wont ever be able to make up my mind about what I want to do.
Now that I am working in the ER, I want to go back to school more than ever.. and am convinced that nursing is what I want to do.
Now I just have to figure out how to make it happen.
Exhausted
I am done with my work week and I must say that I am exhausted. I keep meaning to wear my pedometer to work so I can see just how many steps I take now that I am working and on my feet a good portion of the day.
Elijah has had the flu much of this week. I have HATED being away from him while he has been sick. I am just used to being the one that takes care of him when he doesn't feel well. I am selfish that way, I guess. It's hard to convince a mom that anyone else can do as good of a job as she can when it comes to taking care of her kiddo.
I have to remind myself when I am at work that I AM NOT A NURSE. It's irritating me, to tell the truth. There are so many times that I want to open my mouth - but I don't.. And times that I have opened my mouth that I wish I hadn't. It's just that I want the oncology kids to be taken care of the way I would want Eli taken care of - and some of the nurses just don't get it. They were going to catheterize a little one yesterday - and that's something you just don't do with oncology kids unless it's absolutely necessary and it wasn't with this one - so I spoke up.. You don't cath those kids and you don't do rectal temps. Plain and simple. but then I have to remind myself that I am an employee and a secretary.. I feel like I am probably overstepping my bounds and to do that only after 4 weeks of working there is a bit on the arrogant side.. I am frustrated with that aspect - but loving my job just the same. I like the excitement down there and the fact that there are always things going on.. there aren't constant trauma's like you see on ER or anything - but it's crazy busy just the same. I see a lot of God working in there too.. Just yesterday a girl would have died if it weren't for the fact that the nurse (who I really like) just for some reason took a notion to go in there for a second - realized that her heart rate had plummeted and took immediate action.. That's God at work right there.. He sent her in there for a reason. I love stuff like that.
I am comfortable in that environment.. I feel like I fit there. Who would have thought.
Tomorrow I rest and clean my room. I am hoping to get to work on Elijah's room tomorrow too. Britt did an awesome job taking care of stuff around here this weekend while I worked - kept the dishes done and had dinner waiting for me both nights.. What a man! I have to say that I do miss him though.. he works so hard during the week and then I work all weekend.
I must sleep before I start to ramble about things that are even more meaningless than what I have already been going on about..
Prayers: continued healing in Elijah, for Hannah to be the strong girl I know she is, for Britt and I to get some time together, for motivation to take care of myself, and for a good night of sleep.
Rain, Rain
It's raining here in Little Rock. There is a big cold front moving in and we are supposed to get some snow tonight. I would love for us to get some snow simply because it would make Elijah so very happy. We haven't seen any snow at all this year. Sad thing for a little boy of 7. I can't imagine how tragic it is for little kids who have never seen snow.
I would have really liked for today to be a day of rest since I worked the past three days, but it will be anything but. Today will be a day of schoolwork for Elijah and housework for me. yuck.
This time last year...
This time last year we were outside in the chilly air cheering our friend Susan on as she ran in the Little Rock Marathon! Susan is on the injured list this year so she wont be running, but the marathon will always make me think of her and that day. We had so much fun holding up signs and cheering for her and the other runners.
There are quite a few nurses here at the hospital that are running today. It should be great weather for them.
I am enjoying work, but not enjoying some of the things we see here. Yesterday I saw my first death. It was a little baby. It wasn't as emotionally charged as I would have thought, but I am sure that if the circumstances had been different - it could have been very emotional.
On another note, my new microwave died. No electricity to it at all. crazy. they are coming back out on Tuesday to look at it. I am starting to wonder if it isn't a problem with my electric outlet.. hmmmm...