Jumpstart and the Forbidden

do you ever want to do something you know you shouldn't - something that you KNOW is bad for you - but you want to do it anyway? That's how I am feeling right now and it's actually quite ridiculous. I want to go to the tanning bed. There. I typed it. Not the spray on fake tan that I have done a few times (and do NOT recommend) but the lay in the bed for 20 minutes kind of tanning bed tan. I want an even skin tone so badly. My skin is in horrible shape right now and I have awful circles under my eyes. I just feel YUCK about my appearance in general - and I am not even talking about the weight issues. I don't know. I need to feel better about myself.
so I have one small bruise from my "accident" the other day. I am sore, but not as bad as I thought I would be. I am, however, having problems with my knees again and find that it's dificult for me to walk today. I soaked in the tub this eve hoping that it would give me some relief from the pain. It did for a while, but it's back again. You would think that debilitating pain would be enough to motivate me to lose weight, wouldn't you? I mean, it's common knowledge that being fat is bad for the knees and losing weight relieves so much strain... Why isn't the pain acting as a jumper cable to jump start my ass back in to doing something about it? I did make out a WW friendly menu for supper this week. I did cook this evening and have been eating better (today) and drinking water (today). I guess it's a start. I just want an easy fix and there is NO such thing. Sigh. I am down. I am tired. I guess I will just wake up tomorrow and try again. Try to accomplish something. Anything.