I was able to see a neuroblastoma mom friend today at the hospital in Philadelphia. I haven't seen her since last January. Even though we've only met once in person, I feel as though we are friends. It's crazy how cancer does that. We talked a bit about "survivor guilt". As a parent of a cancer patient, we do experience it, crazy as it may sound. Seriously, who should ever feel guilty that their child is alive? No one. I don't so much think it's guilt over my child being alive as opposed to some of my friends whose children we have mourned. You know, sometimes I get really tired and irritated! That's what I feel guilty about. How can I complain about flying all day and being tired when I'm flying to someplace that's keeping my son with me? I know my friend who lost her daughter a few years ago would trade places with me in a heartbeat and gladly go through some long days just to be with her daughter again. How can I bitch about being tired? We come to the hospital every week for labs. I have to give Elijah shots for several days in a row each month. We fly to Philadelphia every 6 weeks. I miss tons of work. Woe.Is.Me. In this world of kids with cancer, there are three places you can be: Done with treatment and living a "normal" life (life is NEVER normal after a cancer diagnosis), still in treatment and in the fight, or you've lost your child and are learning to live again, as impossible as that sounds. Even though I whine from time to time and I complain about being tired, I am so thankful to still be in this fight. I will continue to do it forever, if that's what it takes. I am 100% positive that Britt will say the same thing. Our lives are not what we pictured - but it is ours and we embrace it. Normal is just different for us, that's all. REALLY different.
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