It's wrong to be tired

I was able to see a neuroblastoma mom friend today at the hospital in Philadelphia. I haven't seen her since last January. Even though we've only met once in person, I feel as though we are friends. It's crazy how cancer does that. We talked a bit about "survivor guilt". As a parent of a cancer patient, we do experience it, crazy as it may sound. Seriously, who should ever feel guilty that their child is alive? No one. I don't so much think it's guilt over my child being alive as opposed to some of my friends whose children we have mourned. You know, sometimes I get really tired and irritated! That's what I feel guilty about. How can I complain about flying all day and being tired when I'm flying to someplace that's keeping my son with me? I know my friend who lost her daughter a few years ago would trade places with me in a heartbeat and gladly go through some long days just to be with her daughter again. How can I bitch about being tired? We come to the hospital every week for labs. I have to give Elijah shots for several days in a row each month. We fly to Philadelphia every 6 weeks. I miss tons of work. Woe.Is.Me. In this world of kids with cancer, there are three places you can be: Done with treatment and living a "normal" life (life is NEVER normal after a cancer diagnosis), still in treatment and in the fight, or you've lost your child and are learning to live again, as impossible as that sounds. Even though I whine from time to time and I complain about being tired, I am so thankful to still be in this fight. I will continue to do it forever, if that's what it takes. I am 100% positive that Britt will say the same thing. Our lives are not what we pictured - but it is ours and we embrace it. Normal is just different for us, that's all. REALLY different.

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About this blog

I am a 43 year old Mom of 2 awesome kids. I have one child with a serious illness. Caring for him is mostly what I do - with a few other things mixed in here and there. I have been married to the same wonderful man for nearly 15 years now. I am forever on the quest to change my life for the better. I want to be more organized, much healthier, and much thinner. So far, I'm not getting there. This blog is for my ramblings and frustrations while on my neverending quest for improvement.