We went to Philadelphia on Tuesday of last week. We took Elijah to the children's hospital there to meet with a doctor who specializes in Elijah's specific cancer. It was a good meeting. While we were in Philly we stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. I was really excited when we got to our room because we saw that there was a sleep number bed in the room. Well, my excitement ended once I got in the bed. No matter what number I put it on, I was NOT comfortable. I felt as though I were sleeping on an air mattress, which I guess is what a sleep number bed is. Neither one of us slept well while we were there. When we got home, Elijah started to run fever so we had to take him to the hospital. He was admitted on Thursday but released today. Tonight will be the first night I will get to sleep in my own bed in 5 nights and I am sooo excited about it. To have the whole family here at home and to sleep in my bed and my room are things that I think I take for granted. My house needs some work and some updating, but I really do love it. If we could fix it up and repurpose some of the rooms, I could live here forever.
Tomorrow is my first day as a full time hospital employee. I have been part time up until now. crazy timing, isn't it? All in all, I am feeling pretty good about the direction things are going in for us and for Eljah. I am getting in to the swing of school for Elijah and I and the house is getting closer and closer to being organized. I am getting a new laptop in 10 days! woo hoo!!!!
No place like home
Dinner in a box, ripped pants, and heartbreak!
Okay.. A friend at the hospital said that Macaroni Grill is now making boxed dinners - much like hamburger helper only with Mac Grill food and chicken. Seeing as how I LOVE Macaroni Grill, I decided to give it a try and bought two of them. FABULOUS! Well, for dinner in a box, they sure are. We had the marsala last night and are trying another one tonight. Why do I love pasta so much? Anyhoo.. if you want some decent pasta and don't have time to cook, these seriously only take about twenty minutes and are pretty tasty.
Elijah had his last chemo for this round today. It went smoothly for him. Not so much for me.. It was one of those days. I forgot my bottle of water that I meant to bring, brought the wrong book to read, and as soon as we got there, I RIPPED MY PANTS! My favorite old khaki capri pants that I have been wearing for years - I guess they were just too well loved. I SWEAR they were not too tight! I had plenty of room in them. Here is the crazy part - I didn't rip out the seat - I RIPPED OUT THE CROTCH! or the area near the crotch, I guess I should say. Thankfully I had a long enough shirt on that it covered it.. As the 5 hour day in the hospital was wearing on, the hole was wearing larger and larger. My the time we left the hospital, I was lucky my pants weren't falling off. Jiminy. I guess I have to throw away my favorite pants now - so the world does not see my panties.
And now for the heartbreak. As many of you who read my friend Susan's blog already know, she is expecting her first baby! Now - while this is cause for much celebration and jubilation, my heart is broken because they have moved away! For normal friends, they aren't so far away, but for a very dear friend who is having her first baby, it is too far for my taste!!! How in the world am I going to effectively love this little one from so far away????? Good grief. I guess I will just have to figure this out.. I hope she knows she has to share this baby with me. ha!
I Wish....
A friend of mine posted a bunch of things on her want list a few days ago. It really got me to thinking. I have quite a few wishes too.. Some are reasonable, and some are way out there. One of the things on my friends list was a cute hairstyle.. I splurged the other day and went to a REAL salon and got a GREAT haircut! I am so pleased with it..
I am trying to do housework today and it makes me really wish I had a maid. It's not that I am too busy to clean or don't have time.. cause I do. I just don't want to do it! ha! I get in a cleaning mode every once in a great while, but that never comes on weeks like this one where I have time to clean. I just wish I had someone to come in and do all my floors. That would make me happy.. ha!
Now for my list of wishes...it includes but is not limited to.
1. I wish our family could take a beach vacation with friends.. just to hang out in a condo on the beach and relax.
2. I wish we could pay off our mortgage and our cars and never have those big payments again EVER.
3. I wish I could put new carpet in my whole house
4. I wish Elijah had a nice backyard to play in with a super cool swing set
5. I wish I had gone to nursing school when I was younger
6. I wish I wasn't addicted to diet coke
7. I wish all three of our kids were just mine and Britt's and we didn't have "the other parents" to deal with.
8. I wish Elijah's cancer would be gone forever
9. I wish I was skinny and healthy
10. I wish that if I was skinny and healthy, I had cute shoes and clothes
11. I wish I spoke more than one language.
These are in no particular order of importance, obviously. Elijah's healing would be at the top of the list for sure.. Just some thoughts. I know that none of the other things are ingredients to true happiness.. most are just silly wants and thoughts. A girl can dream, can't she? Maybe I can start marking some of this off my list one by one.. starting with Elijah's cancer being gone - forever.
My Saturday
Today is my Saturday. I worked all weekend and now have a day off. Elijah and I are about to run a few errands. After errands, I will come home and begin the process of getting my home and life in order in preparation for beginning treatment again. Britt always says that organization is the key. I know that he is so right, but organization has always been something I have struggled with. I know how to get organized and what needs to be done to stay organized. I am just not great at the implementation! So.. today I begin AGAIN. (How many times have I said that in this blog???) I am going to buy a bigger planner at school today to help me get some stuff down and straightened out. I did plan my menu for the week last night and did my shopping on my way home from the hospital. That's a relief. Hannah is ready to start school so that is marked off my list. I need to get Elijah's classroom in order and get the house cleaned up.
People are already asking what they can do to help us. I am at such a loss at this point. I don't know what to tell them until we know how much time we will be spending in Philly. I think finances and pet care will be our biggest challenges as far as the logistics of all of this. I am sure the answers will come.
Finally a blog entry...
I sat the other day at work and typed an email to myself to post as a blog entry. (I can't access blogspot at work) The events of the past couple of days made me decide to scrap that entry and just type a new one.
I am mad. Elijah's scans came back showing that he still has some disease left.. As a matter of fact, it's new disease that is showing up. I hate Neuroblastoma. We are going to go to Philadelphia to see if there is a better treatment option for him. I hate that he is going to have to go through more harsh treatment - but we really want this crap gone!!! He is taking it all in stride - which is good. We tried to put it to him very lightly and point out the bright side - which is we are going to get to go to Philadelphia! I have to admit, that is pretty cool.
I had my crying fit - then that was over. Today is my mad day, I guess. Hopefully tomorrow I will go into "fight" mode. I have started to try to gather information on Philadelphia so hopefully we will be able to do some fun things while we are there. So much is still unknown to us. We have NO idea when we will be able to go. That part is all in the hands of our doctor and the team up there - when they can get all this coordinated with insurance and get us an appointment. Not knowing is really frustrating to me. We want to go as soon as possible and begin treatment. (Okay, I feel the fight mode coming on).
School.. I have registered for school. I am taking four classes this fall at the local community college. I thought about cancelling it, but then I decided I needed to do this for myself. I did have to change my schedule a bit though. All my classes are online. I am excited about being back in school..
Okay.. I am NOT wonderwoman. I am NOT supermom. I am NOT the worlds best wife and homemaker.. and I am about to be spread even thinner.. My job at the hospital has just gone from 2 days to 3, but will make me full time instead of just part time.. I am now a full time student, Elijah is getting ready to start school and I will be teaching him, not to mention the fact that we are gearing up for another full time cancer battle. What the hell am I going to do?? I HAVE to get my shit together and get organized or not enough xanax in the world will be enough to keep me sane. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and just need to learn what the plan will be for his treatment so we can work everything else around all of that. I think I have frightend myself and must go have a glass of wine.