We had several patients today. It was pretty busy. One case in particular really made me angry. 3 week old baby - lovely baby. parent not only didn't strap the baby in the car seat, but didn't strap the carseat in to the car. They had a wreck. This little innocent baby had multiple broken bones but will thankfully be okay - this time.
I was angry about this for a good part of the day. One of the nurses commented that cases like that make her want to be a foster parent. Cases like that just piss me off. Britt and I are good and responsible parents - we have to fight for our child's life and not because of anything we did. The staff at the hospital is fighting for this babies life because of something so stupid and careless that this mother did (or did not do in this case). Ugh.
If my life wasn't so chaotic, I would want to be a foster parent for little ones. Not big ones with major issues - just little ones that need someone to care for them and love them for a while.
Being stupid is NOT an excuse
Boot
I have to say that I am not as big a fan of my boot as my friend Susan. My foot does feel much better, but the boot is a pain! My boot goes all the way up to my knee and is on my right foot, which makes driving with it a bit of a challenge, not to mention unsafe. Oh well. Three weeks isn't long.
I went to the grocery today. I bought healthy snacks that I like to eat. Yogurt, string cheese, v8. Stuff to hopefully keep me from snacking on what I don't need to be eating. :)
I was reading an article today about these people who decided to take a whole year and not buy anything that they didn't truly need. I wonder how hard that would be in such a superficial society. Spend money on NOTHING other than what you need. No movies, no dining out, no extras around the house. Interesting concept though. I think this would be where what is truly defined as a need would come in to play. I need cable and internet and I NEED my cell phone.. hmmmm.. What could I do without?
Foot
My Boot
I went to the foot doctor today. I have been having trouble with heel and ankle pain. Come to find out, I have heel spurs and achilles tendonitis. Not fun. She gave me cortisone injections in my ankle and put me in a boot! This thing is crazy!! It's like "Air Boot".. Remember the Air Jordans that you used to get that had the pump in them? This boot has one of those! Anyway.. I have been wearing it since I left her office. Honestly, my heel hurts in the boot too. I will give it some time. I didn't expect a miracle or anything. She said to rest it, so rest it I will.
Tomorrow I go to the regular doctor. It's a new doctor. I am tired of feeling like garbage the majority of the time. I know that diet and exercise play a big part in that, but I really have to get to a point where I can do that.. and get some assistance. I am not just "slightly" overweight - I am very very overweight. I have a good 80 pounds to lose. I have headaches nearly every day (not the severity of last weeks, thank God) and it really makes things difficult. I have taken so much ibuprofen that I am sure I have messed up my stomach. Today in Target I just got a horrible hot flash and then my stomach started to hurt. What the heck??? I took pepcid complete, but it didn't help. I am thinking I might need to get some aloe vera juice and add that to my diet. It helped my stomach before when I had an ulcer. So.. that's whats going on with me on this day.. Tomorrow I am certain it will be something totally different. And I wonder why my sister thinks it's funny that I have a Life Is Good sticker on my car... ha ha ha
Home
I made it through my work day okay today. I am glad to be home though. Work went well. It was busy in the ER. Today was Easter and a good majority of the kids that came in were all dressed in their Easter duds. On one hand I was sad because I didn't get to spend Easter Sunday with my kids, but on the other hand it was okay. I got to see Elijah color eggs yesterday and do the Easter egg hunt at the park. We wouldn't have gone to Church anyway since there would have been too many people there. I wonder how much longer Elijah will believe in things like the Easter bunny, tooth Fairy, and Santa. I often stop and think of how lucky we are to have Elijah with us for another Easter. It makes me want to make every single holiday special for him (and for us). I honestly think that's where cancer has been a blessing to our family. Yes, that sounds strange, but it's true. Elijah having cancer has made us face just what a truly precious gift this child is and has made us want to enjoy everything with him. Things we would have probably just taken for granted had we not been smacked in the face with the possibilty of losing him - more than once. That's it.. That's my little rant for this evening. Nothing new. Just being appreciative of having another Easter Sunday to spend with my little boy.
Aches and Pains
I ended up in the ER yesterday afternoon with what I think was a migraine. It lasted for nearly 31 hours. With this lovely headache came vomitting, dizziness, and just feeling like garbage. To top all of it off, I couldn't keep anything down so they couldn't get an iv started because of dehydration. It took six different times to try and get the iv started. I felt like a pin cushion. I was thankful when they did get it started though. They gave me some pain medicine and some fluids and I started to feel better.
John kept joking that the personal trainer had done this to me and he can't believe I ended up in the ER just from exercising.. ha! I seriously doubt this had anything to do with the trainer or with exercising! More likely the lack of exercising!!
American Idol is in full swing and yes, I am a fan and we watch it without fail. I heard on the news the other day that Simon, one of the judges, recently paid off someones mortgage because they had a young child diagnosed with cancer and he just wanted to make things a bit easier on the family.. Wow! What an amazing gesture! I wish I knew how to get on the list to have that done!! You know, some famous person pay off our mortgage. Maybe there should be an organization where famous people can sign up to help a family like that. Wouldn't that be nice..
My headache is better now. I feel like I am operating at about 70% capacity. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel about 80% and can go back to work.
I think I will die now...
Just got back from the gym. The trainer tried to kill us - but was very nice about it. We started out with 10 minutes on the recumbant bike to warm up, then we moved in to the circuit training room. This is where the torture began. We worked our way through 12 power circuit machines - doing twenty reps on each machine with 30 seconds of high stepping on an aerobic step in between each machine. My arms feel like jello and my legs feel like spaghetti. I am most definitely going to be very sore tomorrow. It hurt, but it was good to be doing something. He wants us to go four times each week, so we will have to figure out how we can do that. Britt and I need to schedule it and stick to it or we won't go as much as we are supposed to. After our work out session, our trainer took us in to a little room where he weighed us and did our body fat analysis. We also got the lecture on drinking water. MUST DRINK WATER.. 80 ounces per day minimum. Well, my arms are shaking, so I need to go. I imagine I don't smell to great either.
Trainer
Britt and I have made an appointment to meet with the trainer at our gym tomorrow. We have been members of the gym for a long (LONG) time and have only been a handful of times. When we meet with him tomorrow, he will weigh us, check our body fat, and put us on the program. We have to write down everything we eat for three days - then they will tell us what we are doing wrong and what we need to do right. If I remember correctly, they don't really put you on a diet, they cut out everything carbonated, increase protein, and tell you no sugar, nothing fried. Anyway.. I am anxious to get started. Britt and I doing it together will really be a good thing, I think. He will help me to stay on track. I am thinking it might be best if we schedule our time to go to the gym - and not waiver from it, rather than just go spur of the moment or "try to make time".. That never works for us. After tomorrow, I think we will do that - say okay, we go to the gym on this day this day and this day at this specific time - and schedule other things around that as much as possible. I have already lined John out to come and sit with Elijah while Britt and I go tomorrow. Maybe we could set him and Elijah up on a weekly date or something - Elijah would love that and it would be one for sure night that Britt and I have scheduled. hmmmm...
Concert
We went to see the Newsboys tonight. Our neighbor across the street works for the Christian radio station that we listen to (K-Love) and he gave us tickets.. It was FANTASTIC! I missed the opening bands because I didn't get off work until 8, but made it there just in time to see Newsboys. I almost didn't go because I was tired - I really am glad that i did. I have never been one for the whole altar call or "being saved" religious experience.. but I do have to say that events like tonight make me miss being more in tune with my Faith. I go through periods like that though - where I feel really strong and then I start to slack. I am happier when I live my life in a more Faith driven manner - if that makes sense. As we were leaving the concert, Elijah said "now THAT was a concert!!".. He really enjoyed it too.
I think I would sleep really well if it weren't for the ringing in my ears!! Glad the boys wore ear plugs!
Tomorrow
I go back to work tomorrow. Earlier this evening Britt asked me if I felt like I had a big enough break. No. I don't feel like I did. Does anyone ever though? Weekends are never long enough. Right now I don't feel like there is a weekend. When I am at work, Britt is home and when I am home, Britt is at work. I don't think he and i have spent any real time together in forever. I guess I am ready to go back to work though. I like my job. I still have tons of stuff to do around the house and I hate (I mean HATE) having to send Elijah away every week so I can work - even if it is just one night. I know he will be home on Friday, but still.. I miss him when he isn't here. I know the inlaws enjoy time with him too though. Selfish me, huh?
I filled out a federal student financial aid thing on line the other day. Pretty much the only thing I qualify for are student loans. I hate to incur more debt, but I really want to go back to school and since I will have to pay for it myself anyway - a student loan may be the way to go for me. It's just two years of school - Britt did a year and a half while we were in Fayetteville and it went by pretty quickly. This should too. I think it will be a challenge though.. to work full time and go to school full time.
Anyway.. must finish packing for Eli.
Me? School?
My friend Summer brought up an interesting subject in her message regarding my last posting. Have I ever thought about going to nursing school? The answer to that question is a very loud, booming, vibrant, YES. I have thought about it quite a bit. Back when I was quite a bit younger, I applied for and was accepted to Baptist School of Nursing. I chickened out. My grandmother had me convinced that I wasn't cut out for nursing and that I wouldn't stick with it, I was scared that I couldn't pass the science classes, and my (at that time) husband wasn't too excited about me going to school in Little Rock. So.. I was talked out of by all three of us. I opted to stay close to home and take classes I was fairly comfortable with at UCA. I never finished.
I went back to college for the first time last year. I took two classes because I was scared to death to do anything more than that. I just didn't know if I had what it took to go to school anymore. After a bit, I learned that I loved being in school. I really enjoyed learning and being back in that environment. I took Comp II (a writing class) and Psychology. I made A's in both classes and was ready to take two more classes the following semester. My plan was this.. take two classes at a time until you have all the prerequisites taken care of.. Then apply to nursing school.. Then Elijah relapsed.
I went to work in the NICU for a little bit just before his transplant. While I was working there, I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to go to nursing school anymore. I was very uncomfortable with the fragility of the babies in there. It made me think "do I think I could emotionally handle having someone elses life in my hands like that?" My answer was that I didn't think I could.
Well, we went in for Elijah's transplant and I became, once again, more comfortable with what was going on. My desire to go to nursing school once again rearing its head. My husband is now thinking, more than ever, that I am so wishy washy and wont ever be able to make up my mind about what I want to do.
Now that I am working in the ER, I want to go back to school more than ever.. and am convinced that nursing is what I want to do.
Now I just have to figure out how to make it happen.
Exhausted
I am done with my work week and I must say that I am exhausted. I keep meaning to wear my pedometer to work so I can see just how many steps I take now that I am working and on my feet a good portion of the day.
Elijah has had the flu much of this week. I have HATED being away from him while he has been sick. I am just used to being the one that takes care of him when he doesn't feel well. I am selfish that way, I guess. It's hard to convince a mom that anyone else can do as good of a job as she can when it comes to taking care of her kiddo.
I have to remind myself when I am at work that I AM NOT A NURSE. It's irritating me, to tell the truth. There are so many times that I want to open my mouth - but I don't.. And times that I have opened my mouth that I wish I hadn't. It's just that I want the oncology kids to be taken care of the way I would want Eli taken care of - and some of the nurses just don't get it. They were going to catheterize a little one yesterday - and that's something you just don't do with oncology kids unless it's absolutely necessary and it wasn't with this one - so I spoke up.. You don't cath those kids and you don't do rectal temps. Plain and simple. but then I have to remind myself that I am an employee and a secretary.. I feel like I am probably overstepping my bounds and to do that only after 4 weeks of working there is a bit on the arrogant side.. I am frustrated with that aspect - but loving my job just the same. I like the excitement down there and the fact that there are always things going on.. there aren't constant trauma's like you see on ER or anything - but it's crazy busy just the same. I see a lot of God working in there too.. Just yesterday a girl would have died if it weren't for the fact that the nurse (who I really like) just for some reason took a notion to go in there for a second - realized that her heart rate had plummeted and took immediate action.. That's God at work right there.. He sent her in there for a reason. I love stuff like that.
I am comfortable in that environment.. I feel like I fit there. Who would have thought.
Tomorrow I rest and clean my room. I am hoping to get to work on Elijah's room tomorrow too. Britt did an awesome job taking care of stuff around here this weekend while I worked - kept the dishes done and had dinner waiting for me both nights.. What a man! I have to say that I do miss him though.. he works so hard during the week and then I work all weekend.
I must sleep before I start to ramble about things that are even more meaningless than what I have already been going on about..
Prayers: continued healing in Elijah, for Hannah to be the strong girl I know she is, for Britt and I to get some time together, for motivation to take care of myself, and for a good night of sleep.
Rain, Rain
It's raining here in Little Rock. There is a big cold front moving in and we are supposed to get some snow tonight. I would love for us to get some snow simply because it would make Elijah so very happy. We haven't seen any snow at all this year. Sad thing for a little boy of 7. I can't imagine how tragic it is for little kids who have never seen snow.
I would have really liked for today to be a day of rest since I worked the past three days, but it will be anything but. Today will be a day of schoolwork for Elijah and housework for me. yuck.
This time last year...
This time last year we were outside in the chilly air cheering our friend Susan on as she ran in the Little Rock Marathon! Susan is on the injured list this year so she wont be running, but the marathon will always make me think of her and that day. We had so much fun holding up signs and cheering for her and the other runners.
There are quite a few nurses here at the hospital that are running today. It should be great weather for them.
I am enjoying work, but not enjoying some of the things we see here. Yesterday I saw my first death. It was a little baby. It wasn't as emotionally charged as I would have thought, but I am sure that if the circumstances had been different - it could have been very emotional.
On another note, my new microwave died. No electricity to it at all. crazy. they are coming back out on Tuesday to look at it. I am starting to wonder if it isn't a problem with my electric outlet.. hmmmm...