great friends

I have such great friends. Thank you guys for posting wonderful comments to my last post. Every once in a while I get in one of "those moods". It helps to get it all out by writing it down, I have found.
I am tired this morning. My crazy sleeping patterns are still causing problems. On top of that, I feel I have picked up a stomach virus of sorts. I started throwing up night before last and can't seem to shake the nauseated feeling or the headache that has followed. I went to bed at a decent hour last night and slept off and on until about 1am. I have been up since. Not fun at all.
Things are gearing up for Gallery of Hope. I am excited about it and dreading it all in the same breath. I am going to get a new dress this year though. :) On a positive note, I am getting more exercise.
I watched Elijah sleep for a while last night. It's amazing to me how he can seem like such a big kid one second and then while sleeping, look so little too. He's such a funny kid. We watched The Last Mimzy last night and really liked it. It was pretty good.
My battery is about to die and the charger is upstairs where Britt and Eli are sleeping. Guess I will just close for now..
Peace

Take Two

It's 1am and here I sit. I am disturbed this evening. Not that it's any different from any other evening. We have an acquaintance from the hospital. Their son is approaching his final days. It's infuriating. I pray that we never have to go through that. I pray that what we are about to put Elijah through works and that he is healed. I pray that I never have to tell my son that we have lost and he is going to die. It's maddening. I had a friend call and say that she so admires how strong I am. I don't feel strong. not at all. I really want to just roll up in to a little ball. But.. that wont happen. We will keep fighting. I just want to be able to get some semblance of normal and I am having a really hard time doing that right now. I need to lose weight and get in shape but just can't get motivated to do it. I am in a self loathing phase right now. I am miserable and just not feeling so great about myself these days. I guess sleeping all day doesn't make that any better.... then I just sit up all night and think of what I am doing wrong. Not zesty. Not Zesty at all. How do I get out of this slump? How do I get back on a regular schedule? I lack self discipline. How does one learn that? Okay.. enough of my pity party. Time to dust off and do something. I want to enjoy my life while it's good.

Another late night

I really was going to try to go to bed earlier tonight. I put Eli's name on all of his school supplies, got his uniform together, put his lunch stuff in a convenient locale, and headed upstairs to join my spouse - who was already snoozing. I found Elijah on my side of the bed sprawled out like a starfish! I didn't have the heart to move him so I came back downstairs. Put a load of laundry in the dryer, and started to listen to an audio book. This, I thought, was going to do the trick! I started to fall asleep listening to the book! Yay! I will turn the book off and go to sleep here on on the sofa! Well, that was over two hours ago. I just finished reading some of Will Wheaton's blog. Do you remember who he is? He was in Stand By Me and on Star Trek. My sister had a huge crush on him. I loved Stand By Me for many reasons.. 1. It was a great story. and 2.. a friend of mine actually had a small part in it. Well, I say friend. He was a friend when I was in the 7th grade. HA! He used all of the money he made on that movie to get himself addicted to drugs. He is clean now though.. Making Christian films and has three kids last I heard. Good for him, I say.
This week I am taking a break. While Eli is in school I am going to clean my house, do my nails, give myself a pedi, and get things in order. That is the plan anyway. I am hoping to get some walking in there too.
Maybe I will even sleep from time to time..

Another Story

I have been on a reading kick lately. I think I have read 6 books in the past two weeks. I grabbed another one from the parent room at the hospital today but haven't started it yet. Reading offers me an escape from my own life - even if it is just for a brief moment. I enjoy getting completely submerged in the book that I am reading. It makes it dificult to think about anything other than the words on the page. It's not that I want to totally escape my life. There are a lot of things about my life that I love and wouldn't trade for anything. It's just that my mind is constantly going in 50 different directions. Reading keeps me from doing that. Keeps me focused on just one thing - which doesn't happen very often. I don't think about bills, being fat, or Elijah being sick when I am reading a good book. It's nice to get away from all of that from time to time. Britt hates it when I start a new book because I carry it all over the house with me and read all the time. He will wake up in the middle of the night only to find me on my side of the bed, my bedside light on, and my face buried in a book. :) He gave up complaining about it a long time ago. Now he just rolls his eyes and goes back to sleep. He's a good husband. :)
I think I just realized that this book I got is a cheesy romance novel. Believe it or not, I don't like cheesy romance novels - not even if they have a picture of some Roman god like beefcake on the cover. UGH.

Sunday

Painting of Woods Cove
I had the best dreams last night. I had a dream that I went on a short vacation by myself - sort of. It was one of those "tour group" vacations like retirees take on a bus -only it was cool and it wasn't old people. It ended up surprisingly in Laguna Niguel in California one evening. I spent some time in the Laguna area during a couple of summers when I was a kid and have really good memories from there. In the dream it was like experiencing all of those good things. It was in the evening and there was a cookout at this area called Woods Cove. Woods Cove was my favorite thing about Laguna. There were all these huge rocks that the water used to crash up against making the most wonderful sounds. I loved it. In my dream I sat on the beach at Woods Cove just listening to the ocean meet the rocks and shore. It brought about such a feeling of peace and well being. The dream was like a slide show of happy memories. Very cool. And of course, I was skinny. I usually am in all my GOOD dreams. ha ha. When I am skinny again I am going to buy a gorgeous white cotton dress and a light colored straw hat. crazy me.

Soap and Such

The new homemade laundry soap is a hit. We like it just as much as anything we have purchased at Target - probably more since it's so cheap! yahoo! Here is the link http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/03/15/how-to-make-your-own-laundry-detergent-and-save-big-money/ if you want to make some yourself. Super easy!!
I have to say that i have fallen behind on my blogging in a serious way. I have just been in a bad mood and didn't want to get on here and just bitch.. I know, I know.. Why not? That's what I do anyway, right? ha ha.
I ran in to some friends from high school today. I felt like a cow, I really did. So what did I do about it? I bought ice cream at Kroger.
One more week til school starts. The kids are ready. I am ready. Hannah will be going to school at her dad's this year so that will be a big adjustment for me. I am not used to being away from her and I fear I will miss her terribly thus adding to my stress. It's what's best for her right now though, especially with Elijah back in treatment and getting ready for transplant again. She needs normal. I don't know how normal she can get at her dad's though.
I am tired so I guess I am going to bed now..
Peace!