A bit better

Last night's entry was written at 2am.  I couldn't sleep.  I was homesick and sad.  I needed to vent.  I feel somewhat better today, or I did until I talked to my husband.  He brought something to my attention that I hadn't really thought of until today.  When people ask how long we've been here, I've been saying "Oh, a few weeks".  Britt told me today that he looked on the calendar.  This Saturday E and I will have been away from home for FIVE WEEKS.  That's just insane.  I'm so thankful that Hannah and Britt were able to come up here, even if it was just for a few days.  By the time we get home, we will have been here for over 7 weeks.  I wish I could say that when we get home, I'm never going to leave again, but the fact is that we will only be home for a couple of weeks and then we get to turn around and come back.  At least the next trip won't be for as long if scans go well.  We should be able to scan, get results and his meds, and head back home.  I pray that's what we can do.
So about the boredom thing.. I have a couple of friends that must have been reading my mind and knew that I was about out of my gourd with boredom.  A dear friends husband is in the theater business and knows some of the theater peeps up here in The City of Brotherly Love.  He made a phone call and got Elijah and I a couple of comped tickets to see a show.  We are thrilled!  Another friend contacted a few of Elijah's friends parents and they are working on a surprise for him to send us someplace for a fun day trip.  The trip is something that Britt and I had talked about doing all together, but we can't ever seem to get it going when we actually have a bit of free time up here.  I will hate going without him, but enjoy the opportunity for Elijah and the distraction for me. 
I received the most wonderful compliment today.  Someone that I highly regard said that she hoped that one day she could be as amazing as a mom as I am.  Wow.  It doesn't get better than that, does it? I sometimes get really down on myself because I haven't been able to finish school and I don't have a career.  Then I receive a compliment like this and it puts things in to perspective for me.  I don't want to be remembered for my education or my career choice.  I think it's a much greater honor to be considered a fantastic mother and a good wife.  I'd rather have a successful marriage than a successful career.  I don't want my kids to ever doubt that they are loved and are both amazing human beings.  Wow.  God must have really thought I had it in me to do something special when he blessed me with these two over the top fantastic kids.  If I was given a catalog and told to order whichever daughter I wanted, I would have looked it over and said.. "Oh!  I like that one with the gorgeous green eyes and brown hair just like mine.  Toss in a fabulous sense of humor.  Give her a dash of humility and heart that loves God and wants to make the world a better place.  Oh.. If she could have a sense of adventure, I think I'd like that.  The fact that she's stunningly gorgeous was just an added bonus.  Respectful.  Oh yes, she must be respectful.  Funny thing is, all those things I would have picked in a catalog are my Hannah.  She is simply amazing and I'm proud to think that I had something to do with just how amazing she is. 
Then there's Elijah.  Oh, lawd, is there Elijah.  This kid is a 27 year old in a 12 year old's body minus being gaga over girls.  He is the smarted 12 year old I've ever ever been around.  We go to movies together and have discussions that I might not even have with some of my adult friends.  The theories that he comes up with, ideas that he has, things he imagines and the things he paints and draws - It's astonishing.  And this kid's sense of humor is out of this world.  You have to be really careful because sometimes he's saying something witty and you won't quite catch it.  He is wonderfully talented and smart and private.  I'm the one that blabs all of his life on the internet.  I just want others to be touched by his story and to know how great he is.  Because he is great. 
Okay.  I'm rambling again.  Sleepy drug is kicking in so I must retire.  I don't think anyone reads this blog, but if you do.... What would you like to talk about tomorrow?  I'm open for suggestions. 

Homesick

I try to maintain a positive attitude on Elijah's website. I try to keep things fairly light hearted and not whine.
I need to whine.  This is my blog and I can do that, right?
Here goes. 
I miss my husband.  I miss sleeping next to him every night and waking up with him in the morning.  I miss the fact that he kisses me every morning before he goes to work and every night before we go to bed.  I miss him walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around me.  I miss the smell of him.  I miss the calm that he brings to me and my high strung tendencies.  He is my other half and I feel a bit lost without him by my side.
I miss my daughter.  I am blessed to have a very affectionate girl.  I miss her hugs every day.  I miss our little jokes about books or movies that only we understand.  I miss seeing her beautiful smile and hearing her come down the stairs in the morning.  I miss her climbing in to bed with me in the mornings so we can talk.  She's such a beautiful soul and I ache for her. 
I miss my house.  I know some people would say that it's just a rent house - but I love it, truly.  I feel more "at home" there than I ever have in any house we've lived in.  It suits us.  It's my safe haven. 
I miss privacy.  Oh, how I miss privacy.  Living communally is NOT easy.  We eat in a common dining room with all of the other families.  I shower in a shared bath (the shower room locks).  Elijah and I are in the same room 24/7.  When his friends call, I try to let him have some time to himself and I go do laundry or read downstairs.  I am thankful that we have this wonderful place to live while we are here and we are comfortable here.  We always have been.  I just miss home. 
I miss my friends.  I feel like I haven't talked to them much since I've been here, and didn't see them hardly at all the 10 days that I was at home.  I have great friends and am so thankful for them. 
I miss the convenience of having a car.  Granted, I know it's a luxury to have a car - but it's a convenience I've grown accustomed to and am missing it. 
I miss the rest of our family.  Even though we don't see each other as often as we should, it's nice to know that they are just up the road a bit if we need them or have something funny to share. 
So there you have it.  My big whine.  I am homesick.  I know I am where I need to be and we really are fine.  I'm not crying all the time like I thought I would.  I've settled in, I guess.  We will be here as long as we need to be for Elijah.  It's the quest to get him well.  I know I have a purpose and that's to take care of this boy who I love more than words could ever accurately describe.  I'm glad I'm here with him.  He makes me laugh constantly.  Even though he's not as generous with his hugs as his sister, I still manage to squeeze at least one out of him every day.  I treasure every day with him and while I miss home so very much - I am thankful to be his mom and help him walk this portion of this journey.