Being at home full time has it's advantages - and disadvantages. I mean, I am where I want to be right now. Taking care of Elijah instead of someone else doing it for me while I go to work. I don't think I could focus on work and would suffer endless guilt for not being with him. It does, however, make me realize that I don't think I would ever be happy being a "stay at home mom". Not full time anyway, for sure. I find that I miss adult interaction, but I hide from it all in the same notion unless it's at the hospital. I guess I feel like I fit in there, but not many other places anymore. Britt went to a convention this weekend. I wanted to be there, but then thought that I was thankful for being at home. I don't understand architect speak and really don't feel like I have much to contribute to conversations these days other than Elijah and what's going on with him. I miss working - but not the actual act of going to work. I miss being told by my peers that I am doing a great job or that I am needed. I miss feeling productive, but really have to work hard to be productive at home. Would it be any better if I were at the office? At this point, I really don't think so. In a perfect world, Elijah would be healthy and going to 1st grade with his friends and I would be going to work Monday through Friday to a job that I sort of like - depending on the day and my mood, that is! Not that i think that's perfect.. I guess in a perfect world, Elijah would be healthy - going to school, and I would be going to school too.. :)
I am rambling.
Monday we check him in for his 2nd Autologous Stem Cell Transplant. The first one was in January 0f 2006. I pray this one works and he defeats this beast for good this time. He is really handling it all like a trooper. I worry about him so much - worry about what is really going on in his head and if he is more scared than we know. He goes through so much - and believe me, this transplant is no cake walk. He is going to be one very sick little boy. Thankfully, he doesn't remember much of it from the first go round. Could be his age, or it could be all the pain meds he was on. Either way, I guess it's a blessing he doesn't remember.
Tomorrow is our last day at home for a while. I am stressing. I want this all to go smoothly. I know we all do.
I guess I will try to get some sleep.. I am sleeping better - just on a bit of a strange schedule. going to bed late and waking up around 9. I do feel better though. :)
peace.
Not Working
Party Recovery.
The party was a huge success thanks largely to our family and friends who helped, brought food, cleaned up, helped entertain kids, etc. I think they all had a blast. We have enough extra candy to make treat bags for the kids on gold on Halloween - which is what I wanted to do with the leftover candy. :)
Now I am getting my house cleaned up again to prepare for checking Elijah in to the hospital next week. I can't believe we only have a week left at home before transplant time. .
I have been praying a lot today. Very specific prayers.
I must go finish washing dishes.
hmmm
I have opened my blog every day for the past two weeks knowing that it needs to be updated, but not knowing what I should write about. Then I figured that I didn't really need to write about anything specific. I could write about nothing and everything. :) I am still on catastrophic leave from my job. I am hoping that will last through December. After that, I am not sure what we will do. I have to have income, but Elijah will still need to be home for six more months. I have been in prayer that a solution will present itself. I feel hopeful it will. My sister is here for a visit right now. Sunday is her birthday. It's nice to have her here.
I am so sleepy today! We didn't go to bed til late, then Elijah woke up around 2am with leg pains. I finally got him calmed down after giving him some tylenol and he went back to sleep. Britt left for work at his usual time so I was going to try to go back to sleep again - but then traffic on our street, the dog, noise, and the UPS man decided that sleep was overrated for me and I needed to get up. I am dragging. I see a nap in my near future.
We are having a halloween party for Elijah saturday. I just realized I am supposed to feed supper to the 30 folks who are going to be here, and haven't a clue what to make. Maybe I will just make a big pot of chili. ha!