This past Saturday marked my 41st Birthday. In spite of the fact that the pedicure guy asked my sister if I was her mother.. In spite of the fact that I think I've gained 10 pounds and am so swollen and puffy... In spite of the fact that my face is broken out like a 15 year old boy..In spite of the fact that I have gray hair running amok.. I was happier this weekend than I can remember being in a very long time. I loved it. I spent time with my family and a few of my dear friends.. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt, I ate great food, saw a wonderful movie, was pampered and spoiled.. did I mention that I ate great food? Wow.. My kids played together at the park and I enjoyed seeing them both laugh and smile so much. That's what life is all about, right there. Yesterday was lazy. We went for our third visit to a church we've been considering and then came home. We didn't leave the house for the rest of the day. I think 3 times is enough to make a decision as to whether or not you want to continue going someplace. I think we've decided that it's not for us and will move on to a different church now.
I am drinking my one diet coke of the day. I am back to using myfitnesspal again and need to get on some sort of exercise routine. I'm just scared of all of the hills in our neighborhood (and really don't want anyone seeing my fat self try to run during the day)
This upcoming weekend will be mine and Britt's 12th wedding anniversary. I think that's a pretty big deal! I can't imagine that someone would put up with me for 12 years. I love that man.. I think I'll keep him.
Happiness
Snow Days
We've had lovely snow here in Little Rock for the past couple of days. Elijah really enjoyed it. He isn't one of those kids that will get out in the snow and stay out until you force him to come back in. He just goes out in spurts. He will stay outside and play for 10 or 15 minutes and then come in to take a break. Granted, he will want to do this 7 or 8 times, but I think it's better than staying out all day. Britt has had a fire going in the wood stove so the pets have taken up residence on that side of the house and have barely moved. It's pretty funny, actually.
So I know that I mentioned in my last blog entry that we were looking for a new church and I know I said that I probably wouldn't blog about losing my best friend - but the two are a bit related, so I guess I will blog about it. I am not for airing dirty laundry on social media nor am I going to talk badly about anyone on the internet (not anyone that I know, anyway) but I will give the basic outline.
Recently I felt verbally attacked by my (now former) best friends wife. She said some things to me that were really hurtful, but basically expressed what her true feelings were for me - so good on her for being honest, right? She ended the conversation with a threat and then followed up by telling her husband that I said some things that I never said. During the conversation she told me that my life was miserable and that I was mean and venomous. Okay.. So.. Marriage comes first and alliance should always be with your spouse. That's just how I feel. So I think it's best to remove my self from the situation.
Here is the rub.. We had been thinking of possibly finding another church home. We love the church we have been attending but felt as though we really wanted to be more involved and wanted Elijah to be motivated to learn and connect. So far, where we were he hasn't. He loved the people there but had zero interest in getting involved in any of the children's activities - which means it's hard for Britt and I to get involved in any of the adult activities. My friends wife works there so us being on the outs made it a bit easier for us to make the decision to start looking elsewhere. I don't want to be in any uncomfortable situations - especially at church. Avoidance is often how I cope.. I will own that.
so.. we have visited a couple of lovely churches. One Methodist and one not. We enjoyed both of them, but let me say this. Visiting multiple new churches around Christmas is NOT a good way to see what normal services are going to be like. We went to three different churches around Christmas. We heard the same songs at all three and heard the same message at all three. Granted, delivery and environment were all distinctly different but the overall message was the same. You can't really go and change up the story, can you? So.. we will try again. I worked last Sunday and am working again this upcoming. One of the churches we liked has a Monday night service and another we were thinking about has a Saturday night service..
Britt and I really want to make some positive changes this year. I think the way to start with that is to establish a stronger relationship with God. I believe in God and I believe in Jesus Christ - but I want a deeper and stronger relationship with them. I want God to guide and control my life - not me. I'm obviously not doing such a great job controlling it, so it's time for Him to take over.
I am trying to let go of the hard feelings I have had for years. I don't have any hatred in my heart anymore and really just want happiness and peace. Honestly, I want to be able to just completely let all negativity go, put myself in God's hands, and move on with my life. But I'll still be avoiding some people.... for my own sanity. :)
Happy New Year
I haven't been updating my blog lately. I honestly just haven't felt like it. I feel like all I do is whine on here. I thought, "No one wants to read about you feeling sorry for yourself all the time!" Then I realized that my blog only has two followers anyway, so I might as well say whatever the heck I want, right? Who cares?
We were in Philly just after Christmas and got to play in the snow. It was fun and pretty for about 5 minutes, then I was over it.
Classes start for me next week. It should be my last semester. I hope and pray it's my last semester! I have some demanding classes so I am really going to have to buckle down. My GPA is in the toilet right now. I had a 4.0 my first semester back in school. There really isn't a reason I shouldn't still be doing well. Laziness, I suppose.
So I've made my list of goals for 2011. Some I guess you could say are resolutions. They include the usual "get in better shape and lose weight" stuff that I have on my list of everyday woes and gripes. My list also includes developing a deeper relationship with God and getting to a point where Britt and I are comfortable praying together. I want to focus more on my marriage and spend more time with Hannah. I want to finish my stupid associates degree and eliminate stuff that I don't use/need. I want to make my bed every day and keep my sink shiny. I also want a new couch and to get off the carbonated beverages. (Celebrities go to rehab for everything under the sun.. WHY don't they have a rehab for Diet Coke?)
My hair is growing out.. I'm actually liking having long hair again. I will get to enjoy it for about 9 more months and then it's all being shaved off.. I'm going to shave my head completely bald. I'm part of the 46 Mommas this year.. a group of moms from across the country that raise funds and then shave their heads. I'm excited, but nervous.
That's it from me for now. I have a lot more to say, but it will have to wait for another day. We are looking for a new church home - the few we have visited are worthy of a blog entry or two. I lost my best friend - looking for a new one of those too (doubt I will blog about that though) I am forever on the quest for organization and order.. I think 2011 may actually be the year that I get there.