I am wrestling with a decision about work. I think I want to change my employment status from full time to part time. It would mean a decrease in my benefits, but I could still sign up to work just about as many hours as I work now - but with more flexibility. I am really growing tired of working every single weekend and not spending any time with my family. I know we thought this would be for the best, and for a year it has worked well.. Now I miss my kids and doing things with friends. Elijah is getting ready to go to camps and everything.. with my current schedule, I won't be able to drop him off at camp! YUCK! So.. I am praying about this change. I am not feeling 100% sure that this is the right thing for us just yet because we do need income - I will still have to work and there is no guarantee that I will be able to get all the hours I need. I just need more flexibility. So.. tonight and tomorrow I am going to pray about it. I am not going to come to a final decision until we get back from Philadelphia next week. I am sure that God will show me the path He wants me to take. If this is what I am supposed to do, God will make it an easy and evident decision.
Absorption
I would like to say that I have decided to become self absorbed for a while, but that's not true. I am, however, going to become a bit more talleyfamilyaborsbed, and less interested in the goings on of others. Does that mean that I don't love you and care about what you are doing? Not at all!!! I have so many great friends that are having some of the most awesome experiences in life right now, some great friends who are doing new and fabulous things, and some friends who are experiencing some rough times. All of these have been there for me through everything we have been going through for the past several years and I could not be more thankful for the support and friendship. Support, friendship, and prayers that I will continue to covet. I just have a few things I need to give up for a while. 1. matchmaking. I am giving up the matchmaking business - probably not for good, but at least for Lent and maybe a bit longer. So.. if you are going to ask me to hook you up, that's not in my job description anymore. Besides, I am terrible at it anyway so it would be in your best interest to avoid my services on that realm. 2. Babysitting. I am notorious for offering to babysit when I really can't even get my own crap together. I can't do this for a while. (unless baby Isaac comes to town - then all others better back off cause that baby is mine - that wouldn't be babysitting anyway.) 3. Picking up extra shifts at work. I actually feel kinda bad about this one, because people do from time to time pick up shifts for me. I just can't deal right now. 4. Gossip. I am no longer going to engage in too much gossip. I am incredibly nosy and it really stresses me out until I find out the whole story - so to avoid that stress, I am walking away from that. Again.. I need to insert the disclaimer that not all of this is permanent. I am a creature of habit and I can't give all of this up for too long.. ha! Where was I? oh.. yes. 5. Talking too much about myself and my life. I am going to incorporate a little more privacy in to my life. I will continue to update Elijah's website faithfully - but I am actually tired of hearing myself talk. Really. I am. So quiet time is coming.. Britt, get ready.. don't think there is anything wrong. There isn't. I just need to shut the heck up for a while. 6. Making decisions for other people. (Can you hear my sweet loving husband choking on his glass of milk while he reads that statement?) I know.. Surely those of you who know me are thinking this the impossible. I am saying right now - I am tired of forcing my opinions on those who are perfectly capable of making decisions on their own. These people would probably prefer it this way anyway. Sister, your wedding is your wedding - not mine. Even though I would love to live vicariously through your experience, this is your joyous occasion - not mine. I am sure it will be lovely and I am happy to offer my support and love. I will not, however, tell you how to have your wedding. That is my solemn promise. Husband, oh... what can I say. I am sorry I am such a bossy wife. I admit it. I love you and I know you are a grown man who manages to make it to work each day without me telling you how to drive. I will try to do better and not boss so much. (I said TRY).. Okay.. this is just the beginning though. I need to focus more on my family and living each day rather than focusing on how everyone else is doing.
It's sooo late and I am rambling. Oh well. It's my blog. I am allowed to put whatever I want on here, right?
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Late Night
Elijah has been really sick today. Sicker than I have seen him in a long time. He has thrown up several times and is complaining that his stomach hurts terribly. I hate seeing him so miserable. He has actually slept quite a bit today because of iv nausea meds. Now I am sure he will be restless most of the night tonight. Is it possible for an 8 year old to get his days and nights mixed up? I am praying that he feels better tomorrow. It's crazy, but throughout the whole cancer thing, Elijah hasn't been terribly sick. He has tolerated things very well. His feeling bad today has really reminded us just how fortunate we have been. I worry. I try not to show him too much. These stomach cramps, his legs bothering him.. It's awful for us, really.
All he has had to eat today is ativan, oxycodone, and phenergan. I would be in a coma. He wants to watch a movie.
This one is full of bitching.. beware
Okay. I am stinking tired. I feel like I haven't had a good night of sleep in over a week and it's killing me! I have had a near constant headache since last Tuesday evening. How is this fair? I have too much to do to have this headache and be suffering from lack of sleep! Maybe that's why I am not sleeping and have a headache.. because I have too much to do.
I have taken to writing down everything that i need to do so I won't forget it. It seems like I am constantly carrying stuff over from one day to the next and adding things to my daily list of things to do. I am going to try to wipe as much off of there as I can today and tomorrow because Thursday and Friday - I am on vacation. That's right.. I may take one of those days and not even leave the house. I will shower, put on clean pajamas, and do NOTHING!!!!
I bring most of this on myself, really and truly. The other day I thought - I need to fill out my financial aid stuff so I can take some classes this summer.. then I thought better of it. No way. I am not taking any classes this summer. I am taking a stinking break from that too. I will start back in the Fall like normal people do. Carrying 13 hours this semester has nearly killed me! I can't believe I ever bitched about being in school full time when I was younger and didn't have kids or a full time job. What the heck? Why didn't I get this done and over with when I was young and full of energy???
Elijah is not feeling great these days. Thankfully today is his last day of his medicine so hopefully tomorrow he will feel better. I am just worried about his weight so much..
Must go. must get busy on the list. (insert cuss word here)
No Time for Blogging
Okay. I have no time for a big blog entry, but had some stuff to share, so here it goes in this really strange format.
1. I saw Judge Reinhold at Target the other day.
2. When we went to the airport to fly to Philadelphia, the power went out and all the systems went down at the Little Rock airport. When we got to the airport where we were supposed to switch planes, the fire alarm went off in that airport and they had to evacuate because the sprinklers came on. I wondered if we were doomed for tragedy. I was scared, to tell the truth. Elijah thought it was cool.
3. Elijah and I got to play in the snow in Philadelphia this week and met a dog at the ronald mcdonald house that is a cancer survivor. Very cool.
4. This week have I have had several quizes, tons of biology homework, spanish homework, a spanish test and a big essay test in religion. School is kicking my butt.
5. I spoke to a group of nurses about MIBG Treatments at the hospital thursday night. It was nice. I think I like to hear myself talk. Especially when I think I know what I am talking about.
6. We had a candlelighters meeting on FRiday. I think it went okay. We have another one at my house on Tuesday. When am I going to clean???
7. I managed to read a book in the past two weeks. It was good. Mrs. Kimble was the title. Maybe a book review to come soon.
8. Did I mention that I saw Judge Reinhold at Target?