Happy Halloween!!

It's Halloween. Just about Elijah's favorite time of the year. He just loves getting candy. I think he is an addict.
I am going to try really hard.. I mean really hard.. to be positive today and not be crappy about a few things that are bothering me. I just don't understand people sometimes, so I am going to stop trying. I have to remember that the world doesn't revolve around our family and that other folks have lives too. I mean, I know this.. but sometimes I get my feelings hurt over little things that shouldn't bother me at all. They aren't geared towards me or have anything to do with me - yet I still feel the sting. I guess that's from being paranoid. Oh well.

Stupid Tired

I am so tired, I am stupid. I love my bed and am so excited to sleep in it. I know that sounds crazy, but having slept in some really uncomfortable places for the past four + years really makes a gal appreciate the queen size pillow top. Chair beds, couch beds, uncomfortable beds at the Ronald McDonald House, airplanes, etc.. I love my bed. That commercial where the family is all sunburned and they come home and lay face down on their bed?? Have you seen it? That's me.
This has been an incredibly long and tiresome week. Chemo every day for Elijah, work for me and Britt, and painting in the evenings. We decided last night we were going to take a break from it and just relax. Elijah and I were hanging out (on my wonderful bed, as a matter of fact) watching game 2 of the world series - and the den flooded again. This time worse than ever. I think Britt must have vacuumed 50 gallons of water out of there if any. It was terrible - and the rain just kept coming. So there went our night of rest. Britt decided that the water was coming from the crawl space under the house. He purchased a sump pump today and will be putting that in tomorrow. We think (we pray) that will take care of it and we will not have to deal with the creek running through the downstairs ever again. I mean, I am all for water features in the house - but not like this.
I am about to put clean, lavender scented sheets on my bed!! I am, admittedly, all giggly about this!!! Good Night!

and the beat goes on..

We have been painting the kitchen. If you have ever been in my house, you know that this kitchen had the ugliest and busiest wallpaper in it. It was awful. We successfully removed most of the wallpaper in the rest of the house (and there was a lot) but the paper in the kitchen was stuck pretty good.. and to unfinished sheetrock. This would have meant a lot of work - and a lot of repair to the walls. To make a long story short, we opted to prime and paint over the wallpaper. It looks fabulous!! I am so proud of Britt and how well this project is going so far! I don't have any "in progress" photos, but do have befores and will hopefully have afters in a few days. We are working really hard on getting our close closer to ready to sell. I pray that we can get it fixed up, relax for a month, and then sell it and move. We shall see how that goes.
Elijah is nearly done with chemo for this go around. Three more days and then we get a week off from the hospital - sort of. We have to go to clinic one day next week for labs and an exam. That will be a cake walk compared to the 5 hours a day we have been spending up there. We go to Philadelphia in three weeks. I pray that things are going in the right direction. I have had to write checks for three funerals for little kids for candlelighters in the past two weeks and have attended one. I can't imagine my life without Elijah. I can't imagine him going through the pain and suffering that some of these other children have endured toward the end of their short lives. I don't know how they do it, honestly - the parents. I guess they just do. I don't think I could get out of bed or speak to anyone for a long time, let alone speak at my own child's life celebration or continue to be an activist. Not for a while anyway. I have an extraordinary little boy. He is my best pal and constant companion. I couldn't breath if he weren't with me. I would die if I never again heard "hey mom!" followed by information on some strange creature he just saw on discovery channel. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave the hospital without him.
I wish all of this other "life" stuff would just stop and leave us alone for a while so we can be with Elijah and do fun silly things all day long. I want every birthday to be the "BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!" and for Halloween to be the MOST AMAZING EVER.. and for Christmas to be the MOST MAGICAL EVER! I want this for him and for Hannah always. I want the best of memories for my kids. I don't want any "we never got a chance to" or "we should have made time for that" or "we never got around to it" things lingering around. Those are the kinds of things that will bite you in the rear.
Life. It's today. so all this other crap that HAS to be done.. please go smoothly and quickly so that we may move on to more important things. Thanks. Love ya, Mean it, Buh Bye

back again

I haven't blogged in forever. Well, I have.. but on Elijah's website, not my own. I wish I could say "well, just not much going on".. but that couldn't be further from the truth. We have had too much going on and not enough time to sit and write things other than my assignments for Sociology and Creative Writing. Yep.. still in school. I really should have sat out this semester, but I need to keep on going if I am ever going to finish. Some of my grades are going to suffer this semester, but oh well. I made the deans list once. I was proud. Now I need to just get it done with. By this summer, I should have a degree. It will just be an associates degree, but I will have a degree, dang it. I am still toying with nursing school, but the way things can change so quickly around here, I am concerned about starting nursing school and not being able to finish. Some schools will allow you to pick up where you left off if it's within a certain amount of time, but others make you start all over again. I have to research that and see what would be best, if that's what I decide to do. Who knows.
My sisters wedding is weekend after next. I am not looking forward to being the fat girl in the wedding party. I don't feel pretty in this dress - I feel like the ugly step sister! ha ha. Oh well.. it should be fun. It will be nice to get away for something other than cancer related stuff. What's this? a happy ocassion in our family? NO WAY!

Falling

I fell down today. Literally. I was walking Elijah to the pool. The sidewalk is uneven and I am a klutz anyway. I tripped and dove straight down. skinned my palms and knees. I am quite sure it wasn't a pretty site - seeing me tumble. Elijah was a bit shaken - but once he knew I was okay, he was fine. Kids fall all of the time and are just fine, so why did this scare me so badly? I just fell down.. nothing major. I guess because I am older. I am sore now. My shoulders, my left hand, my knees, my pride. At least I was shielded by the trees so no one at the pool saw my little accident. I am sure someone would have laughed. Sadly, I sometimes think it's a bit funny when people take a tumble.. after I know they are okay, that is. Oh well. Guess I should pay attention to where I am going.
The day was actually pretty good. We went to church this morning, which was great. Enjoyed brunch at Shorty Smalls - which we NEVER do anymore.. painted the upstairs hallway, spent an hour at the pool with Elijah, then went to our Financial Peace class.. Wow.. when I type it all in here, it really sounds like an action packed day! Tomorrow begins a busy week.
Prayers for today: rest and peace, healing for Elijah, understanding and courage, financial blessings..

Roller Coaster

Life is really just a big roller coaster, isn't it? Full of ups and downs and scary parts and fun parts.. And just when you think things are smooth and easy sailing, the bottom drops out from under you and you plummet further in to the unknown. Right now I feel as though I don't know what direction I am going in and whats coming up next. I am not enjoying this ride. Crazy thing.. I am not enjoying the ride right now, but I don't want to get off either. I know life isn't supposed to be easy - but I don't think it's fair for it to be this hard either. I am not without hope. I am not without support and love. I am not homeless or jobless. I have my Faith and my Family. Someone wrote the other day that this story is far from over, and there are still great things to be written.. I liked that.

Many Moons

It feels like a long time since I posted to the blog, but I guess it hasn't been that long. I am overwhelmed with busy stuff right now.. so much so that I want to crawl in to a hole and retreat for a bit - but I can't. I am working at a church, still working at the hospital, and then working this week for my sister. School will start before I know it, then Gallery of Hope will be here - and then my sisters wedding. So.. no rest until it looks like early November. I am not planning a single thing for November!!! I guess I will be giving thanks that July, August, September and October will be over!!! ha ha.
We leave Wednesday evening for Chicago for the Neuroblastoma conference. I am excited and dreading it all in the same sentence. I haven't packed a single thing! I am trying to wrap up as much here on the homefront as possible in the next couple of days. So far, not so good. after working today at the church and then tonight at Coach - I was wiped out.
Okay.. enough wining. I seriously think some things will slow down soon.. Just take a little more planning on my part.. I am getting better at the planning stuff - believe it or not!!