Bipolar much??

I can't make up my mind what kind of mood to be in today. I think one second I want to be happy for all the strides that Britt and I are making with our financial peace; elated with Elijah's continued healing; happy that both of us have good jobs, cars and a home; pleased with myself for my current weight loss determination and success; and just all around Blessed..
Then there is the dark side of me that wants to just be pissed off. I think I am actually looking for reasons to be angry at SOMETHING today. For example: I think it's ridiculous to repeatedly invite someone to do things with the family only to be turned down over and over again - and then have that person be peeved that they didn't get an invite to ONE THING. I want to be angry about that!!! I really want to be angry about that - but is it worth the negative energy to be angry over something I think is petty? Should I let that suck out my joy and positive attitude of late? No.
I want for people to start owning up to their mistakes and stop blaming other people for what goes wrong and what makes them unhappy. If I don't pay my gas bill, and the gas company shuts off my gas - am I right to be angry with the gas company?? NO! it's not their fault I can't manage my money - it's mine!! (no - the gas company didn't shut off our gas - I am just using that as an example)
My weight gain is not Britt's fault (even though he does bake some really good stuff). My weight gain is not my kids fault - it's not my jobs fault, it's not cancers fault. None of those things controlled the enormous portions of food that I CHOOSE to put in my mouth.. Britt has never tied me down and made me eat chocolate pudding cake. I can't be angry at any of those things because my weight has spiraled out of control. I am the only one that has done this to me - and I am sorry my family has had to suffer the wrath of my unhappiness because of it. At least I can recognize that now. (I can hear the collective sigh and the big "FINALLY!!") I want to be angry about this - but I don't want it to steal my motivation and my pride in how well I have done with my portion control and food choices over the past few weeks. :) I have made huge strides and have reaffirmed that I DO have willpower and I CAN do this.
Okay.. I am stepping off my soapbox now. I just needed to get a few things off my chest. This week is going to be a week of things in the right direction. 10 years of marriage to celebrate - I say that's a big accomplishment in this day and age. I will also be celebrating this week the life of my Mom.. My anniversary is on her birthday. She died 10 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't miss her terribly. She was an amazingly brilliant, beautiful, funny woman. I will be celebrating Elijah's healing.. and anything else I can think of to celebrate!!!

1 comments:

Susan February 2, 2009 at 5:20 AM  

You rock. I know it is easy to let negative folks steal our joy - and that stinks. Chin up!

10 years -- wow wow wow. That is AWESOME.

About this blog

I am a 43 year old Mom of 2 awesome kids. I have one child with a serious illness. Caring for him is mostly what I do - with a few other things mixed in here and there. I have been married to the same wonderful man for nearly 15 years now. I am forever on the quest to change my life for the better. I want to be more organized, much healthier, and much thinner. So far, I'm not getting there. This blog is for my ramblings and frustrations while on my neverending quest for improvement.