Britt and I just finished making our own laundry detergent! It sounds crazy, but we did it. It was super easy. Laundry detergent is expensive these days and believe me, we do lots of laundry in this house. The laundry detergent was super easy to make and laundry will be pennies per load to wash. The total cost for our supplies was about $6. With what we purchased, we made 3 gallons of laundry soap and have enough supplies to make tons more. I am sooo hoping that this works! We have to let the stuff sit over night and it will be ready for use in the morning. I will post tomorrow how it works!!!
Mysterious Deleted Signing
First - I want to say thanks so much for all the words of encouragement. It means so much to me. Eljiah's website is for him and the encouraging words we get on there mean everything to our whole family.. I know these are just for me and it really warms my heart..
Now.. for the big mystery. I have a comment on here that shows that I have deleted it. It wasn't anything rude or inappropriate. It was just a stupid spam signing saying "Hey.. go to this website to learn how to make a bunch of money".. blah blah blah. I just deleted it.
I am doing better with my eating, but must admit to falling off the wagon a bit the past couple of days. Did y'all know that they make chocolate covered gummy bears???? That should be totally illegal!! ha ha. I want to get rid of caffeine other than an occasional cup of joe. For now, Britt got me some diet coke with no caffeine. I am sleeping in tomorrow.. yep. I am. Elijah goes to camp next week. I am happy for him to have a blast but I am going to miss him like mad! It will give me a chance to get started walking though. That's the plan anyway.
going to bed now.
Prayers for tomorrow: easy chemo for elijah, to hear a start date on my job at ACH, to be in a pleasant mood , and to color with Elijah.
Sticking to it..
I am sticking to my new eating plan so far! I think I have been doing really well and am quite proud of myself! I am loosley sticking to the weight watchers program of counting points and journaling all my food. I thought that weighing myself every day would be a good way to go. I guess it would be if my weight was actually going down, but it wasn't.. It was going up!! I couldn't figure it out! I was eating soooo much better than I had been before starting this - and staying within my points level but the first day my weight stayed the same, which is fine.. then the next two days it went up one pound each day! What the heck?!?! Well, today it went back down to where I started.. so I am hoping that in the next few days it will go down a pound or two. I started this on the 17th.
Elijah had good scan results so my mind set is a bit better on that front - for now at least. It comes and goes. I need to concentrate on today. He has had some pretty big attitude problems over the past few days. I need to get him on a better schedule. I think structure will make him feel better. Easily said - over and over again.
Day 2
I went to Target last night and bought a little notebook to carry with me. It's my food and weight journal. My friend Susan carries a little notebook with her so I thought I would try it. Writing down everything you eat really puts things in to perspective - well, it puts what you put in your mouth in perspective. I have eaten really well the past two days. Fiber One bars are really really good and filling!!! I had one of those and some yogurt for breakfast. Those little bad boys have 9 grams of fiber in them!!
Our AC unit for upstairs is officially dead. We had someone come out today who said it has two things wrong with it and it can not be repaired. It needs to be replaced. We had it serviced last year and we were told it was on it's last legs then and probably wouldn't make it through last summer. We borrowed a window unit that we will put in one of the back bedrooms upstairs. We hope it will cool two of the bedrooms for now. In the mean time, the downstairs is nice and cool because we replaced that unit right after we bought the house. Maybe in the Fall we will be able to replace the smaller unit for upstairs. My grandmother said she would help with the expense of it.
I think I am going to weigh myself every day. I know some people say you shouldn't do that, but I want to be able to write my weight down in my notebook every day. I am realizing how much I eat without thinking about it.. eating for no reason. Elijah had some fries yesterday and I almost had one in my mouth when I realized what I was doing!! Jeesh! I wasn't even hungry! Pizza sounded really good for dinner tonight, so we went. I filled up on a bunch of salad with vinegar instead of dressing and then had two small pieces of thin crust pizza with canadian bacon. It was more than plenty. I was under for my daily points allowance under the WW program.
today was a good day. Eli's scan was good. Britt and the kids are back. I am hoping for a good nights sleep and great news from Eli's scans tomorrow. Goals for tomorrow: color with Elijah, stay on my eating program, marked improvement on eli's scans, to cook a good dinner, and to get the window unit in so we can sleep in our own beds tomorrow night!
Party's Over - Now the fun begins
Vacation is done. It was a blast, but now it's time to get back to "life". Today life began with errands- bill paying, prescription getting, chemo, etc. etc. I started a new WOE. (way of eating). Not really a new one - just started back on the tried and true methods of weight watchers to try and get some of this excess baggage off my bod. I know the plan works. I just have to stick to it, which is the challenge for me.
I am having a strange day other though. Thought wise, I mean. For some reason I thought it would be perfectly okay for Elijah to go to school for first grade. I doubt if Dr. Stine is going to want him to go to school with a port needle in most every day, will he? They can't take it out every day and then put it back in because of the risk for infection. I don't know why I thought it would be okay for him to go to school. I guess I just want him to be able to be as normal as possible and am in a bit of denial. I hate cancer. I hate that it threatens to take him away from me and keeps me awake at night. I hate that he can't have a normal life because of treatment that is working to save him. I wish I could make this all go away, move us to the beach where he could play every day, and not have to worry about anything ever again. ha. I guess most people would wish the same thing.
I feel like I have a good cry always waiting to explode from within. At a moments notice, it could erupt like a volcano of misery. Crying scares me anymore. The last time, I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. It was the heaving waves of nausea, hysterical sobbing, wanting to hit and punch and kick something sort of cry. This is my child. My life. My love. He makes me laugh every single day. How can I get to the point where I just have ultimate Faith that he will be healed completely and I will get to raise him and watch him grow up? How can I not be scared? How can I enjoy every day with him instead of dreading days without him? That's what I feel like I am doing and it sucks.
Stop worrying about stupid stuff. I am going to start coloring with him every day. Playing games with him and reading with him. I want to be amazed at everything he can learn. Happiness wont come from me being skinny, having my home decorated a certain way or driving a certain kind of car.. Happiness will come from enjoying everything I can with my family. Being a better mom. Giving Britt and the kids a life with a wife and mother that loves life and shares that love. I am not worried about school next year for Elijah. We can homeschool if we need to. I am going to be organized, I am going to be healthy, I am going to be more prayerful and Faithful, and I am going to take care of myself so I can take care of him. Those are my goals for today, tomorrow, and every day from here on out.
Peace
The Secret
I am listening to "The Secret" on the ipod right now. It's about the laws of attraction and how the way you think about things, really effects what happens in your life. If you think you will never be prosperous or have happiness, then you won't. If you think you will prosper and be happy - it will come to you. Attracting what you want by thinking positively. I guess it's like affirming - which I believe will work. It's funny that I was listening to this book yesterday because Britt was playing around with one of Eli's pictures and what he did really seemed to sum it all up. I am going to try to have a more positive attitude about everything. Everything from trying to be more organized, my weight, to our prosperity and the success of Elijah's treatment. We have two AC units in our house. One downstairs and one upstairs. The one upstairs stopped working yesterday. YUCK. We slept downstairs last night where it was nice and cool! We don't have time to fix it before we leave on our trip tomorrow. I guess we will take care of it when we get back. Britt thinks it may just need freon. I am praying that will get it taken care of until we can replace the unit. When we get back from vacation, we will take care of that. I should also hear something about my job when we get back too.. I am excited for that!
Prayers for today: rest, Elijah to feel good, and to get things organized for our trip.
Prayers for today: rest, Elijah to feel good, and to get things organized for our trip.
The Deck
We decided to begin working on the back yard. The stairs to the deck were not safe so we tore them down.. They aren't necessary anyway as we have two back doors that lead to the backyard - one to the upper part and one to the lower. I actually took off every step myself! I was DRENCHED by the time I finished. When we decided to remove the stairs, we also thought it might be a good idea to make the deck a pooch free zone. Duchess is just too lovable and will lick you to death when you are outside. She is a "slobber dog". Not fun. Britt enclosed the area where the stairs were we wouldn't have any accidents. He will finish closing the area over near the fence tomorrow. Ahhh.. the home improvement projects. I wish I could be more like some of my other friends and completely finish one project before another begins, but sometimes necessity intervenes as it did with Peanut and his wallpaper removal and the unsafe stairs. I need to get some spackle and finish my bathroom downstairs. We have been to home depot twice in the past few days and have forgotten each time. UGH. I just don't want my house to look like one unfinished project after another.
I am reading a book. It's called The Memory Keepers Daughter. I really like it so far. It was a book club selection - the book club that I don't ever go to.
I think I will sleep well tonight. Elijah should too.
Prayers for tomorrow: easy day at the hospital, Elijah to feel great, to get some work done, and to have time to work on the house some more.
Peace