I have to admit, I have always been the kind of person to avoid problems and situations that I thought were ugly or uncomfortable. My grandmother often says that I live like an ostrich and bury my head in the ground at the first sign of trouble. I would rather just ignore some things that I don't like and pray they just go away. Dealing with money is one of those things. I have never liked to know how much money we had in the bank because that way, I could pretend like we had money.. If I went to the ATM - I NEVER looked at the receipt with the balance on it. I would seriously crumple it up as soon as I pulled it out to avoid seeing the awful truth. I can't tell you how many problems this has caused. We have several married friends who keep their money separate. They have individual accounts and they each pay their respective portions of the household expenses. I could NEVER do this simply because I am horrible with money - I would never be able to keep up with how much I have and how much I owe. Britt would still be left with the burden so why bother having it split? I may be tooting my own horn, but I am proud of the way I am now hitting our budgeting and bill paying head on. It's hard - to look at things that need to be taken care of and figure out the best way to get the job done. Especially when I haven't worked in a while and things are so tight. BUT - we are doing it. I think I am going to love the envelope system and hope to be able to incorporate it in a bunch of different areas once we get things organized and get to a fully working budget. Right now we are using it only for groceries and gas. I can see how it would work for school clothes, pet needs, birthday presents - and so many more things. Dave Ramsey has a program for kids too - I would love to get Elijah and Hannah both started on it now so they won't have to go through 20 years of making mistakes and having a hard time with money like I did.
Financial Peace is a good thing.. I wish I had been smarter years ago and could have worked toward this much sooner. We are trying to get things taken care of that cause stress that we can control - there are too many things that Britt and I deal with that we can't do anything about. Having a bit of control feels really really good.
Painful lessons
Weigh Day and Envelopes
I weighed today. No change. No change in weight is not a bad thing when doing Weight Watchers. The scale didn't go up - and that's a good thing! I look at it this way - it means I can expect a bigger drop next week if I stay on the program and keep up with my journaling. I shouldn't have eaten that cereal before I went to bed last night! ha! The good news is - I went to the grocery store last night and have our meals all planned out for the next seven days.. Lunch included. So that will make things a bit simpler.
On the Dave Ramsey program - we use an envelope system. You figure your budget for each week for food. You take that amount in cash and put it in the envelope.
The money in the envelope is the only money you spend on food - period. That means if you eat out, it comes out of that envelope. If you go to Purple Penguin for a shaved ice - it comes out of that envelope. Thankfully, after buying groceries yesterday for the whole week, I have enough left in my envelope if I need to get anoter gallon of milk, loaf of bread, etc! My goal is to have money left over in the envelope with each paycheck. Even if it's just ten bucks. (It wont happen the first few times).. If we do that, then I want to take the extra and put it in savings. So.. this means I need to start getting creative with my cooking and grocery money! ha
FPU & WW and a bunch of other letters
Britt and I are enrolled in Financial Peace University. It's teaching us Dave Ramsey principles in money management. The class is awesome! It's foundation is Biblical and common sense. Britt and I talk and talk about making positive changes so we can lead a less stress filled life (stress from things we can control, that is). I think this is the first real step we have taken in that direction. We are trying desparately to figure out ways to get rid of debt and get a bit caught up. It will take time, but we are going to get there. We are also doing weight watchers to try and get control of our health. Having Britt as my weight loss partner is one of the smartest things I have ever done. He is the best motivator and coach! He really keeps me in line, which is awesome. I have lost 11 pounds this go around. Tomorrow is weigh day! yipes! We have been pretty good about staying on program. It's just been challenging to come up with dinner ideas for the whole family.
I started a new job yesterday. Part time, working at a church here in town. I am doing their newsletter, updating the website, etc. I think I will like it. It's going to be an adjustment, for sure!
So.. Prayers for today: Britt and I to come up with creative solutions to clearing up our financial stuff so we can be at peace with all of that, for us to continue to do well on WW (big goal is to get B off bp and cholesterol meds), for Elijah's continued healing.. and for our big kids to make wise choices now that they are getting older.
Camp is Over tomorrow
Tomorrow morning we go pick up Elijah from camp. The H is malfunctioning on my computer and it's really bugging me. I am ready for this whole camp experience to be over!!! It's been quite a challenge.. I have driven to Bald Knob more times in the past 5 days than I EVER care to. Okay.. so I delegated a few things with Gallery of Hope and it made me easier for me.. I also postponed the board meeting because all the info was not available and we had too many folks that would not be in attendance.. THAT relieved a bunch of my stress from this past week - that was replaced with Elijah being unhappy sleeping at camp. He LOVED being there during the day.. just not at night. It was terrible! I felt so guilty for leaving him there at night - even though logically I knew he would be okay. I just think that he has been through so much - why cause him undue stress and unhappiness? I baby him.. I know. He is 8 and should be more independent. I just think he has had to be so independent and brave in other ways so soon, so why push it? I will just be glad when he is home tomorrow.
pouring the guts out
Elijah is away at camp. Hannah is there too. For the past two nights, Elijah has become very emotional at bedtime and has wanted to come home. I am so torn. I want to go get him in the worst way, but I know he is having a good time during the day. It's just at bedtime that he is getting really upset. I am seriously thinking of getting him tomorrow evening and bringing him home for the night, then taking him back in the morning. My heart is aching at the thought of him being so upset. I guess he cried himself to sleep tonight. I can't take that. Would I prefer that Hannah not tell me? No. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to my kids - I don't think it is anyway.
I made the decision a while back to go zero based at work - this means that I basically still work for the hospital but I only work shifts that I sign up for or when they need help. In the past - there have always been plenty of shifts to sign up for so I didn't think it would be a problem to get the hours. My boss even assured me that I would still be able to get the hours. Not so. The well has run dry it seems. There are no extra shifts to be had from now until July and then I only was able to sign up for 16 hours. I am not regretting my decision, but I sure am praying that a solution to my income situation will come along soon. I am really enjoying the time I am getting to spend with my family and still feel this was the right choice though.
I am really second guessing a lot of my decisions lately. I agreed to be president of Candlelighters. A group that I am very proud to be part of and they do great work for families whose kids are battling cancer. What was I thinking? I have soo bitten off more than I can chew with this one. We have a huge fundraiser coming up in a few months that we are ill prepared for. No one has stepped up to agree to chair the project and I don't have the organizational skills to pull it off. I am really worried that it will be a huge flop or I will forget something major. I have a huge heart and a lot of grand ideas - but no organizational skills at all. I don't want this group to suffer because of my lack of skills. I seriously am considering stepping down as president. I have, like many of my friends, overextended myself and am wanting to put my family first. I can't do that when I am stressed out about floral arrangements, art donations, credit card machines, brochures, sponsorship packages, and helping families.. And what is it going to be like when I go back to school in the Fall and so does Elijah?
I wish one of my dearest and most organized friendsin the world still lived close. I would, on bended knee, beg her to chair this project and help me get it on track.
I don't like quitting. It makes me feel guilty and loserish. I agreed to help with a class at church but wasn't able to fulfil my obligation because I just emotionally overextended myself - and we were traveling with Elijah to Philly. I felt awful! I was embarassed to go to church because I thought I had let them down. Why do I agree to do things that I know I shouldn't?
I don't trust many decisions I make any more. Maybe I should take the back seat and let Britt drive the bus for a while.
We are doing some great things though.. Britt and I are attending Financial Peace University to try and get our financial lives in order.. PEACE is the operative word. I have high hopes for that one. We are also doing Weight Watchers - the online program. I can't tell you how much it means to me that he is doing this with me! He is really keeping me on track - and encouraging me - which is what I need. So far it's going well and we are both losing - which is the goal.
Now.. we will one day move along to our house and it's repairs and declutter -
UGH I am so frustrated. I am going to pray that answers come to me tonight or tomorrow for all the things that are troubling me right now. I do have an interview on Wednesday. Is it the job I want? Will it be enough? Will I even get the job?
Prayers needed today, friends.. I need prayer about Candlelighters.. Gallery of Hope.. Elijah at Camp... My work.... Our financial peace quest... our journey to health.. Elijah's continued healing. It's all coming at me at once this week. Deep breath in... deep breath out.
just things
I am sunburned on my shoulders. I was stupid. No excuse for it. I took Elijah to the pool yesterday and made sure he was covered.. Didn't put it on my self. I am not invincible, as Britt reminded me yesterday. yuck.
It seems like there is so much going on, but not a lot going on. My sister moved in last week. Hannah was home for a couple of days. Elijah is doing great and loving spending time at the pool. I am supposed to go for my two week check up today to see what I am allowed to do now and how I am healing after the hystericalectomy. I am feeling great, aside from a few minor issues. I know I need to get back to work, but I really don't want to. As soon as my doctor says I can though, I will be back at work.
Last Day of School
Today is Elijah's last day of 2nd grade! Wow! I can't believe he will be a third grader next year and Hannah will be a Junior! It's crazy. Today I am cleaning in Elijah's room. Boxing up all the toys that he never plays with and trying to get his room pretty much packed up. He doesn't use it anyway.. So I think I am going to move Hannah to Elijah's room and just use Hannah's old room for storage. Elijah takes over the den and sleeps in his bed in our room anyway - so no need for his own room at this point. My sister has moved in with us for a bit before she gets married. I am sure she will spend most of her time with Joe and between here and Dallas so it's not like she will be here much. She is staying in Cody's old room. We actually have a house full now! Wow!!
Junk
I am cleaning out junk today and trying to be very careful in the process. I am not supposed to do any lifting or strenuous stuff for like 5 more weeks. I am being gentle and doing things in small steps. My sister is supposed to be coming to stay with us for a while before she gets married - and I am trying to ready the room. Lots of stuff has been stored in there. Home schooling stuff, Britt's study materials, Cody's things, laundry, ironing board. UGH. It's ridiculous how much junk we have!!! Most of it is trash. This cleaning process has to be done throughout the whole house so we can concentrate on repairs to get it on the market by the end of the summer. We have tons of stuff to do. Carpet in the flooded den is first on the list. yuck.
Elijah's last day of school is tomorrow! I am so thankful that he was able to go to school. He is already excited for 3rd grade!