It's been a crazy few weeks. Cancer is back. Treatment starts tomorrow. We are ready to start so he can feel better and we can feel like we are doing something and not just sitting around while this crap grows in his body. I can't even begin to explain how I feel about this. It's nauseating.
I have applied for several jobs working on the weekends or at night at ACH and at UAMS. Britt just started his new job and needs to be there as much as humanly possible which is hard for him because he wants to be with Elijah as much as possible too. I just don't want to have to deal with that torn feeling I had when Elijah was in treatment before. Needing to be with him but feeling guilty for not being at work - then when I was at work I felt guilty for not being with Elijah. My job is just a job to me.. not a career, so I really don't care if I leave it and find another that will allow me to be with him, still contribute to our income (which I have to), but not feel guilty when I am working because he will be with Britt. (that was one heck of a run on sentence).
So many people reaching out to us. It's amazing. We seem to be doing okay and I think it's largely because of our support system holding us up. Britt and I are both angry though and it seems to be showing in the way we react to one another. I wish there was something we could do about that. Maybe we can get back in to the gym and take out some frustrations. That might help.
prayers for today: Chemo to work and for E to tolerate it well, my job situation to resolve itself, motivation to mop my kitchen floor today and do laundry, a peaceful day.
I have applied for several jobs working on the weekends or at night at ACH and at UAMS. Britt just started his new job and needs to be there as much as humanly possible which is hard for him because he wants to be with Elijah as much as possible too. I just don't want to have to deal with that torn feeling I had when Elijah was in treatment before. Needing to be with him but feeling guilty for not being at work - then when I was at work I felt guilty for not being with Elijah. My job is just a job to me.. not a career, so I really don't care if I leave it and find another that will allow me to be with him, still contribute to our income (which I have to), but not feel guilty when I am working because he will be with Britt. (that was one heck of a run on sentence).
So many people reaching out to us. It's amazing. We seem to be doing okay and I think it's largely because of our support system holding us up. Britt and I are both angry though and it seems to be showing in the way we react to one another. I wish there was something we could do about that. Maybe we can get back in to the gym and take out some frustrations. That might help.
prayers for today: Chemo to work and for E to tolerate it well, my job situation to resolve itself, motivation to mop my kitchen floor today and do laundry, a peaceful day.
1 comments:
You are the most amazing woman I think I will ever know. 'Nuff said.
I applaud you for trying to branch out to find a position that would be more lucrative to your situation. Know that I am willing to do ANYTHING to help. After all, what are best friends for? :)
I have just completed my second of three traveling weekends in a row. Sheesh! Good to be home for a bit...
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